turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
