Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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