Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
