My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
