If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
