is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
