i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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