What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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