just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Randomize
