I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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