i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
