Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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