I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
