I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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