also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
