i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
