And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
