I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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