Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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