she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
FUCK WHALES
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
