The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize