tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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