everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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