We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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