I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
