I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
