Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
