2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
