woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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