first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
