The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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