So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
