And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
