I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
