Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
