Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
