The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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