I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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