You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
