so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
