Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
