I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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