I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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