i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it glows. i had to have it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
