I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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