I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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