sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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