i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
