id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
