Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
jump out the window naked night went bad
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize