You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
