I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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