Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize