is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it's like iHOP with fire
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
