it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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