Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
