you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
