Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
