Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
