My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
where are you?
Hypothermia
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
