I think my vagina is haunted
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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