If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
