I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i've created a new STD.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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