have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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