its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize