i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Even my vagina gasped.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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