remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
