when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
