How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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