i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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