Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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