the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
