so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
