ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
